When it’s warmer out, head to Brazwell’s or Angry Ale’s for excellent and people watch when there’s a lull in conversation.If your date throws you a curveball and has reservations at Soul, you could be stuck waiting two hours for a table with nothing to say. In your hometown, you have a deep pool of friends and friends-of-friends to consider setting someone up with.I’m reminded of Neil Strauss’s and the terminology pickup artists use for their seduction strategies.It’s not bragging, it’s “demonstrating higher value” (or DHV for short).My friends used to call it “planting seeds.” Everyone who’s ever dated is familiar with the practice (unless you’re Mike Pence, whose self-imposed ban on dining alone with women who aren’t his wife seems less insane in light of the term’s recent popularity).
Case in point: Callie Byrnes, the writer who earlier this week tried to convince us that the hot new dating trend is “breezing,” the term she’s invented for, uh, “throwing out the mind games and just being real,” or as some call it, “dating.”The worst part about these terms is they’re meant to expose and root out the dating behaviors they describe, but end up having the opposite effect — they normalize them.Ghosting would sound a lot worse if we called it “being an immature coward.” And breadcrumbing would have a much different connotation if we called it “being emotionally manipulative.”The most egregious example, though, is “stealthing,” a term that makes light of men surreptitiously slipping off their condoms mid-sex and not telling their partner—a practice some have likened to rape.It’s a pedantic argument, sure, but words matter in this respect.It means that everyone is anxious to develop that network, but it also means that they typically don’t have as many eligible bachelors or bachelorettes to throw your way when you’re in the market for a good first date. You’ll feel more comfortable on dates inside your neighborhood, but beware of bringing in too many strangers and losing your comfort zone.When you live in South End, for example, you get caught in your neighborhood bubble and might feel like you need a passport to get out to No Da. If you happen to meet someone IRL, they probably live around there too and you might date the same kind of person over and over.